The need to over-apologize is developed over time from a pattern of self-doubt. The thing about the word “sorry” is that the more you say it, the less it means. Stop saying “I’m sorry” at work and try replacing with “Thank you”. This helps to limit the number of apologies you make in a day, while still being kind and respectful.
Sometimes this swap can mean even more to the person you’re speaking to. While an apology shows that you acknowledge that you’ve maybe made a mistake or inconvenienced someone, thanking them shows that you’ve thought about a situation from their perspective, and appreciate the effort they’ve made for you.
Here are some familiar scenarios where you might be tempted to over-apologize, and what to consider saying instead.
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- “I’m sorry I’m late” – could instead be – “Thank you so much for waiting for me.”
- “I’m sorry I made a mistake”– could instead be – “Thank you for pointing out my mistake.”
- “I’m sorry I’ve caused so much trouble” – could instead be – “Thank you for being patient with me.”
- “I’m sorry I’ve been so needy lately” – could instead be – “Thank you for being there for me.”
- “I’m sorry to ask you for another favor” – could instead be – “Thank you for being someone I always know I can depend on.”
- “I’m sorry for being emotional” – could instead be – “Thank you for caring about me.”
- “I’m sorry that I have been distant” – could instead be – “Thank you for being understanding”
- “I’m sorry for rambling on” – could instead be – “Thank you for always listening to me.”
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Saying “sorry” has its place in our everyday lives like accidentally bumping into someone, expressing sympathy or empathy towards another person or allowing others to see you are expressing genuine regret for a mistake. But in certain situations, there is a much better way to apologize that will not only fulfil your need to say sorry, but also allow the other person to feel much better. So, start practicing your thank yous, and save the apologies for the times that really warrant them.
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